Here's a few things that have happened to me lately.

1. Exams. I'll get back to that.

2. This whole internet-went-crazy-for-and-against-the-Invisible-Children-campaign. Those of you who happened to check my blog on the morning that I first saw the Kony 2012 video know that I got sucked in by it. Let's be frank - it's good movie making. Simple ideas, clear bad guy, adorable child, tries to convince the viewer that he/she can make a difference, scary music, moving pictures -(Haha! I meant 'moving' in the sense of emotional, but a video is also just "moving pictures" heehee...) basically, it had it all. And it got me. For a little while.

I watched the movie, went to the website and then started to think. The poor children, my brain said, the poor children. You with your shiny macbook are just sitting and worrying about exams and there are poor, suffering children out in the world. What can I do? Because I do care, I really do, and I'm at a loss for what to do. Then I read some more articles about the Invisible Children charity though not from the people in that charity. Then I took a step back. I thought about how I, a relatively emotionally susceptible person, was easily pulled into the sensationalist video that tells you all about the poor children in Uganda (though the movie director's white son has far more screen time than anyone from Uganda in that video). I got slightly angry (after reading some more about the charity, as I mentioned. In earlier posts there were links to these articles.) about being manipulated. Then I took another step back and thought about the innumerable ways we are manipulated by the media, even by causes we are trained to think are "good", such as charities that "help the poor children". I thought about how human empathy and sympathy and wanting to change things are such intrinsically good qualities that we have, and how cruel it is that I feel like I can't just trust them to be treated as such anymore. I'm sure I'm coming to this revelation rather late, but now, as a citizen of a global community, I have a right to blog about it and you have the right (I won't go so far as to say "privilege") to read about it.

Then I took another step back and thought about the state of the world. Then I took another step back and looked at how small my life is in comparison to the entire world and all the people in it. Then I took another step sort of to the side instead of back and looked at my binder and papers and highlighters on the table and realized that I was supposed to be studying now. Then I took another second to think and realized that I was already narrating this blog entry in my head and thought it would be more useful if I took the twenty minutes to write it than to just have it as an inner monologue. Maybe something more will come of it than me simply sitting and going "Huh." when the train of thought comes to its final station.

Basically, I feel as if these days I'm constantly hopping precariously from the micro to the macro - the micro being my current life and my finals, the macro being my future and the rest of the world. I keep feeling like I'm being pressed back into my seat on an airplane as it barrels down the runway when I have been thinking about my future good deeds with the Peace Corps or something similar and then a glance at the Residue Theorem on the white board brings me rocketing back to the exam on Monday. I'm trying to live in both worlds and do justice to both. I think we all have to do that, but right now, I'm keenly aware of it, and aware of the fact that it is hard.

Now, on the micro level, I'm 2/3 done. My Programming exam was already two weeks ago and though it was not what any of the students expected (due to some misleading comments by the TAs and professor), I don't think it went horribly. Stochastics was two days ago (crazy... I can't quite believe it!). I was COMPLETELY immersed in studying for it. The days leading up to the exam quite literally had me sitting and re-doing all of the homework assignments for six hours at a time, let alone rereading my notes from the lecture and memorizing formulas and writing as much as I could down on the one piece of paper we were allowed to bring with us (Yes, a picture will follow. :D ). And it paid off.

Now, of course I'm not sure now just how much it paid off - I don't have the results yet. And, well, frankly most of the people I was studying with seemed to think that it didn't go very well. But for me? Let's put it this way: nothing on the exam surprised me. True, I couldn't do every last bit of every last problem, but if one exam covers an entire semester of material and I don't get freaked out when I read the problems? That's a good sign. There were even a few problems that I was 100% sure on. And, after all, I just need to pass. I don't want to jinx anything, but - I'm fairly certain I've done that. :)

And now, just one more lonely exam up on the horizon. Complex Analysis and Differential Equations. 6 questions, three for each topic. 8 a.m. on Tuesday. I feel as if I've been running a marathon (particularly due to how I stretched myself for Stochastics) and all I want to do is sleep. But I know I will get to recuperate very soon, and more than that - my dad is coming to visit next week. I'm so excited!

Alright. Time to put the kettle on and then get back to work. See you all again soon! :)