Lazy Creatures

Hey.  I'm having a thought, here.

This thought hit me when I was starving and covered in sweat, just finishing up at the gym before going to dinner with my friend Erin. I was standing in the locker room underneath the gym and staring into space (the way I do when I'm physically exhausted) and was tuned completely in to my iPod. At that moment, I was listening to a song from the musical Spring Awakening - but I was listening to a song from the German version of the musical. I had the German soundtrack before I went to Mainz last year, but I never thought I'd actually get the chance to see it performed (I had seen the English one in Pittsburgh about two years before). However, while I was studying at the Uni Mainz, the theater department put on a production of it, and I went to see it. It was one of the most stunning things I saw last year - and I think I mentioned it in this blog.

But the point of this isn't the musical Spring Awakening - it isn't about music or musicals in general, not about being in Mainz. No, this was just something that I've noticed in me and in a lot of other people these days. When I heard that the university was going to do Spring Awakening (called Frühlings Erwachen in German - the musical actually was originally a play written in German in 1891 that was adapted to a Broadway musical in 2006), I was so excited - but I had to really get myself to go and buy tickets. Not because they were expensive, but because it's "effort". And when the day rolled around for us (C and me) to go see the show, I think there was even a bit of grouchiness in my mind because we weren't going to have "an evening at home".  And what happened? It was positively brilliant that night - the show, the conversations afterwards, a look into a world of students that I had never met at the Uni before (no math kids in Theater shows - we don't have the time. ;-) ). But I had to make myself go to the theater at an affordable price only about fifteen minutes away from my apartment with my fiancee, for goodness' sake!

This idea of laziness, of wanting that idea of a "night in" seems to be more and more prevalent these days. I catch myself thinking it all the time - and true, you can justify it, or at least try to. "If I go out, then I'm gonna spend money - because no one goes out without getting something to eat or drink these days, and that can get expensive." "If I want to go and see San Francisco, well, I don't have a car, so I have to take the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) and that costs money." "I could go, but I also have some homework to do." And blah, blah, blah!


Understand, please, that I am writing these frustrated "blah blah blah"s from an insider's perspective - in fact, I probably wouldn't find it so frustrating if I didn't do this myself. The point is, I want to try and do this less often. Honestly, if I just look at the situation - if one just looks at the situation - good grief, how many nights at home does a person need?

Yes, it's nice to have nothing planned, but really, what will you do? If you're my age, probably spend way too much time on facebook (one of the reasons I left it, though for that, my new internet hub is youtube), play some stupid games, watch a movie (maybe with a friend, maybe not) -- and just, you know, hang around.

Don't get me wrong - hanging around is a positively beautiful thing. I think, on the whole, we humans don't do enough nothing in our lives. But the thing is, we do a lot of stuff that is worse than nothing. For me, doing nothing and just "hanging out" is a proper activity and you should do it with some umph. Know that's what you're doing. Having plans to maybe do some research for that one paper and then ending up mindlessly scrolling through youtube cooking videos (I'm a repeat offender) - that's not hanging out. Hanging out makes you feel relaxed and wholesome afterwards. Hanging out is sitting with a friend on a bed (if you're in a dorm), on your couch (if you have an apartment or house), or even on the grass outside - or going for a walk, and just seeing where the conversation takes you. Politics, family, love, music, for goodness' sake, even your classes! You talk and let yourself talk. No plans. It just happens. After an evening like that, you've learned something. Maybe about yourself, maybe about the person you were talking to. And if you're more of a solitary person or just a social person who needs some actual time alone, DO something with it. Hang out by yourself! Read a book while taking a bath! Lie on your bed and watch how your thoughts make circles in your own head! Just be present in the nothingness.  I'm sick of those afternoons of youtube and internet wanderings that take up an afternoon but ultimately leave me feeling hollow inside.

So, to sum up, I want to take the opportunity to DO more things (sometimes at the small expense of that paper or my wallet) and when I decide to NOT do things, I want to do it on purpose, I don't want that emptiness of an evening to just happen to me.

The good thing about this plan is that it yields almost immediate results. This past weekend, I was on campus and planning to get a lot of homework done (which did happen) but I was invited to speak on a panel about being a Peer Tutor to lots of other students who are peer tutoring for the first time this semester. (Basically, being a Peer Tutor means you are a helper for one or two classes during a semester and you have an office hour each week in which students can come to you and ask questions. Sort of a person between the professor and the students. If they want, students can make appointments with you outside of your office hours. You get paid for peer tutoring from the college - it's a work-study job. I'm tutoring this semester for Real Analysis ((which I took back in the Stone Age of sophomore year)) and Abstract Algebra - yes, even though I'm in the class myself! My professor believes in me. :) )

I agreed to go and talk to the new students, thinking that the poor kids I'd be talking to wouldn't pay attention at all because they were already being forced to attend a Saturday seminar that no one wanted to go to. I went down and sat myself at the table in front of the sixty or so students with one other peer tutor (who was quite a bit older than most of the students, so I really did feel like a peer, which was a good thing) and told them a bit about my experience tutoring and answered some questions from the newbies.

Now, several good things came of this, quite immediately. 1) I got paid for my time there. 2) I got to spend an hour talking in front of people (which I like to do) about something that I really care about, namely teaching (which I really like to do!).  3) In the two days since then, I have had a stranger come up to me each day and tell me that they were really glad that I spoke there and said that it really was good advice and made them feel more ready about tutoring themselves.

How awesome is THAT?

Anyways, this whole laziness thing is just something that I see in myself and others a lot, and even if it doesn't change overnight (there are very few things that do), I want to be aware of it. Hope I made my point well!