"You're not doing it right!"

One of my favorite comedians for the past few years has been a woman named Maria Bamford. I'm not sure if I've written about her here before or if you already know who she is - but I highly recommend her. The kind of off-the-wall, makes-you-cringe-while-you-are-crying-from-laughter comedy of hers is, I think, simply brilliant. I've rarely seen something so original that not only makes me laugh so much that I can't breathe and also touches on subjects that so desperately need it.

One of my favorite sketches of hers is from a particular show, the 'Maria Bamford's One-Hour Homemade Christmas Stand-Up Special' (in which she is in fact sitting down on a couch with her two pugs). One of the main topics she discusses in her sketches is mental illness – something she's struggled with a lot and thinks deserves some more attention – even comedic attention! n this particular sketch, she discusses some of the woes of going to a therapist. This particular therapist of hers insists on getting Maria to follow her rather irrational worries to their rather crazy conclusions – just to prove a point, to make Maria 'face her fears'. For example, Maria says she is worried about making eye contact with people, so her therapist asks the following questions and Maria responds:

(Keep in mind, everyone, that she is doing both voices – and spectacularly so.)

"Maria, what would happen if you made eye contact with someone?"
--"I dunno, probably genocide 'em."
"And then what would happen?"
--"Uhm...I'd go to genocide jail."
"And then what would happen?"
--"Pff...probably genocide everyone in the jail."
"And then what would happen?"
--"...they'd have to find a super-strong jail..."
"And then what would happen?"
--"I DON'T KNOW- you're not doing it right!"

So, I have to write a bachelor's thesis this semester. I'm writing about a topic that is, at best, just barely barely within my grasp as far as understanding goes. Like, I can feel it brushing the tips of my fingers. But I have not grasped it yet. Not even close. I'm also going to be a teaching assistant for a course this semester -something I did and loved at Mills but am a little nervous about doing in Mainz.  Also I have normal classes to attend. Plus, you know, run-of-the-mill "what am I going to do with my life" thoughts. So, as might be expected, I sometimes catch myself freaking out and spiraling into paralysis about all the things I need to do. And sometimes, when I catch myself going into this, I have to ask myself the same questions – or just, that one particular question over and over.

"And then what would happen?"

And luckily, this merry-go-round of questions, me pestering myself about just what would happen if everything I feared happened–- it usually ends with me realizing that the paper is after all, just a paper – the T.A.-ing job just a semester-long job, and in fact, the classes are just classes and people fail classes and are okay -- and after all, I have a family and friends who would greet me with cookies and hugs no matter what happens. So, I suppose things will be alright. Now, I just need to get started!

P.S.: If you feel like seeing some of her stuff, check out this link right here.