I gave an apple to a homeless woman today.

I've seen her around a few times and she's always cheery - she sits outside the Walgreens that I sometimes frequent - when I need something tiny like deodorant or a sponge and can then buy that there and get cash back, therefore avoiding ATM fees (a skill any college student knows)  - she looks up and says things like, "Happy Friday, girl!" And it makes me smile. She never asks for anything, except that she does, by the placement of her body next to the store. So today, I got her an apple. I gave it to her and she looked a little puzzled before thanking me and smiling.

You just never know. She might be completely self-sufficient. She might have a home in a different part of the city. Some coworkers of mine were at a gas station a week ago and a young woman came over to them, said she was on the way to a certain venue in Napa to play a bluegrass show but needed money for gas. She gave the name of her band, of the venue, of the website where they could find her music, and thanked them when they gave her five dollars. They looked it up after - the venue existed. Not the website. Not the band. You just never know.

I don't know if I made that woman happy or not. I'm not sure who that kind of giving is for, anyway. Is it for me or her? Or the people who see me do it and think there might be some hope in the world? I expected to feel awesome, I have to admit. But I felt so awkward as I walked away. I've toyed with the idea of doing that a lot - giving a coffee to the man who hangs around outside the Peets near the BART station where I arrive each morning. Humans are so damn complicated. These kind of exchanges are some of the most awkward - the ones where someone asks for money and you pretend not to hear, or someone asks for money and you mumble about not being able to, or the time that you actually give away some money and wonder what it's going to be used for and whether or not you're just a sucker. Man. Not a simple gesture today. I suppose by giving an apple I didn't do anything wrong - I can take solace in that.

The huge gap in the world is pretty incredible, it must be said. I work in a skyscraper jungle, though in the basement so far, so to speak. Some people have so much money that the only thing they can do with it is try to make more money with it - and at my internship, I think we're developing a way for them to do just that activity but as a byproduct, normal people can benefit. Or the people I consider normal.  Inequality, bias, rose-tinted glasses. This world is complicated.