There Was No Smoking Gun

-When do you trust fear instincts? 

Erin and I were having this conversation a few days ago, late night and standing around the island in the kitchen. I was talking about my interactions with people on BART and the bus that I have mentioned here – when do you trust people, when does it become obvious that another individual does not trust me (for example, when you tap someone on the shoulder, they turn around, shocked and already bracing themselves – and then I might say, “I’m sorry, you dropped your scarf,” or something similar). We are so ready to mistrust others, and this makes me sad – but the interesting thing about my conversation with Erin is that I think emotionally, we come at that fact from different angles.

I don’t mean that Erin thinks people are generally bad and I think people are generally good – well, perhaps the latter, but I don’t believe the former. Erin is, however, a self-declared introvert and I am emphatically not, and this characteristic is, I believe, important when it comes to evaluating these situations. Am I more inclined to trust people I don’t know because, inherently, I do not mind interacting with them? Or is that basis level of trust (which is, I think, higher than Erin’s) due to some other trait I possess?

When someone stands next to you on the train and you feel uncomfortable – what does that mean? Does it mean anything? Does it mean that you are overthinking things and are nervous, or does it mean that that person is actually dangerous? I think sometimes, real instinct does kick in – we are animals after all. A certain person, charming as they might seem, gives us the creeps and especially when they seem outwardly “pleasant” or “friendly” and we get the heebie-jeebies, I think we should listen. There are lots of fascinating cases when that feeling, a real gut-feeling uninformed by anything else, has proven to be incredibly accurate. But is that true so often? Is that weird-smelling, perhaps greasy-haired individual next to you really dangerous? That old woman, the homeless man – we don’t know. I think we should certainly maintain our own comfort level. If that means moving out of the way when someone who makes us nervous steps on to the train, well, so be it. But is it always necessary? Is there really something to fear?

I have been called (a) an (bubbleheaded) optimist, naïve, etc. I don’t think those things are true. The optimist/pessimist debate is pointless and that being said, I have participated in it several times – with people I love, people I dislike, and people that I don’t care much about at all, and it is pointless. That is, debating which one is “better” or “more accurate” is pointless. I do think that individuals fall slightly to one or the other side of that line and after discussing the dangers of strangers with several people who see it from different sides – a policeman, an ER doctor, commuters, optimists, pessimists, introverts, extroverts – I have come to a conclusion of sorts.

There are people out there who are dangerous, no doubt about it (‘no bout a doubt it’, as we used to say growing up). Still, after all those conversations – I have realized that if a person is really dangerous, and if that harm is imminent (read: not just that it would be dangerous if I went into that person’s apartment, or got in that person’s car – but rather danger to me as I am standing next to this person in public) – then there isn’t time to do anything about it. Real harm in those situations comes out of nowhere, and it’s fast – whether it’s a knife, a gun, or a fist – usually, we don’t have time to figure it out.

I don’t mean to give such a morbid conclusion, but it’s actually supposed to be hopeful, or at least it sounds that way in my head. The vast majority of people in this world are not dangerous and probably not crazy, either. So, the chances of this happeneing are slim. If someone seeks out an interaction with you – offers to carry your groceries, or something equally benign – and the willies start to creep in, listen, I say. But I don’t think it’s worth it to stand in fear on platforms and in train cars. Whatever happens happens. Listen, but don’t overthink.